If Girls Proposed to Guys

If Girls Proposed to Guys.
"Maybe if you didn't want such an expensive lunchbox."
"I've been looking forward to a lunchbox my entire life."
"Yeah, I understand.  But an $8,000 lunchbox?"

2014 Ig Nobel Prizes Are Out!

The 2014 Ig Nobel Prizes are out.  My favorite: the Neuroscience prize, "for trying to understand what happens in the brains of people who see the face of Jesus in a piece of toast."  Runner-up: the Physics prize, "for measuring the amount of friction between a shoe and a banana skin, and between a banana skin and the floor, when a person steps on a banana skin that's on the floor."

Book Reviews That Are Better Than The Book?

Someone published a children's book entitled, "My Parents Open Carry."  I haven't read the book -- there's no point, really, since open carry is illegal in California -- but the Amazon book reviews just have to be better than the book itself.  Some examples:

• Can't wait for the sequel,. "My Black Parents Open Carried Until the Police Shot Them 146 Times".
• I laughed, I cried ...I accidentally shot my mailman in the face
• I got really excited when I found out there was a sequel coming out for the really little ones: "Goldilocks and the Three Open Carry Bears"
• My buddies and I used the pages for target practice. I bet my friend a nickel he couldn't hit brennas face on page 7. I'm a nickel poorer, good shootin Steve.
• If only the title was "My Two Mom's Open carry" . The Pulitzer would be already decided.
• I gave it five stars, but my gun accidentally went off and killed Number 5.
• The five stars are for the reviews here. These are the finest book reviews on Amazon this summer. Once I started reading them, I couldn't put them down. If you read close to 100 reviews this summer, read these. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll walk away with a big smile. Congratulations to the writers. Good, good solid work. I couldn't give a rip about the book. But these reviews? Take a bow, all. Put them in Kindle form and I'll buy it in a heartbeat.

"25 Perfectly Timed Dog Pictures"

Who knew that dogs were so photogenic?

"Today's kids confused by old-fashioned typewriters"

What happens when today's kids use a manual typewriter?  "Please tell me there's a copy and paste button."

Need A Baby Shower Present? Here's Sushi Baby!

Need a baby shower present?  How about an infant wrap that makes the baby look like a piece of sushi?  From the product description:

Wee Wasabi
From their sweet rosy cheeks to their delectable little toes, you know your baby looks good enough to eat, and now he or she can dress the part with this chopsticks-ready rendition of swaddling clothes. Offering the whole bento box, this swaddling set offers soft layers of stretchy and breathable fabric to hold your little sashimi. A matching hat provides the perfect roe-inspired topping, bringing ample fodder for laughs during the baby shower. Made in Los Angeles.

My Latest EFF Amicus Brief: Google Books Appeal

Last Thursday, EFF filed the latest amicus brief on which I worked, in The Authors Guild v. Google appeal.  EFF's blog post about the brief is here.

In this long-running lawsuit, The Authors Guild seeks to shut down the Google Books search engine.  The district judge held that Google's scanning of books to create a search engine was fair use.  The Guild has appealed to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit.  Our amicus brief asks the Court to affirm the finding of fair use, and to confirm that fair use can apply to new technologies that use copyrighted works with a new and different purpose that doesn't substitute for the original works.  

Pfizer Extends The Life Of Patents

"Pfizer announced a new breakthrough Friday that vastly extends the lifespan of near-death patents." You have to read this carefully.  Because "nothing causes Pfizer officials more distress than seeing a once robust patent expire at a young age, a “terrible tragedy” that allows dozens of generic manufacturers to copy it and offer pharmaceuticals to customers far more cheaply."

Tomorrow Is Father's Day

Tomorrow is Father's Day.  Dads everywhere can rejoice.

The 35 Dumbest Things That Have Ever Happened

35 things that are probably made up.  Some examples:

"I want my first daughter to be a girl"
"Somebody tried to tell me there was 50 states in America.  Nuh cause the scientists found out that Pluto don't exist.  We got 49."
"Does it take 18 months for twins to be born?  Or 9?"

Ever Wished That Calvin and Hobbes Creator Bill Watterson Would Return to the Comics Page?

Well, he just did.  Sort of.

Want To Feel Old?

Watch 2014 kids react to an old Apple computer.

KFC Is Two Weeks Too Late For April Fool's Day

KFC has introduced the "Chicken Corsage," just in time for prom season.  Be sure to watch the awesome video.  (Apparently, this is real.)

Having Trouble Creating A Password?

Having trouble creating a password?  Don't bother clicking here.

"Jabberwocky" Parody Featuring Alice Corp. v. CLS Bank

One of my most recent EFF amicus briefs was in Alice Corp. v. CLS Bank Int'l. The case deals with the patentability of computer software and business methods.  The Supreme Court heard oral argument in the case on Monday, March 31.  While the transcript makes it seem likely that Alice Corp. will lose its patents, it's unclear whether the Court will make a broad ruling either upholding or limiting software patents.

Fortunately, EFF's Parker Higgins has come up with an explanation of the oral argument: In the form of a parody of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky."   Now it almost makes sense.  Almost.

EFF's Amicus Brief In Alice Corp. Case Cited In Forbes Article

An article in Forbes extensively cited EFF's amicus brief in Alice Corp. v. CLS Bank.

Trader Joe's Versus Whole Foods

Trying to decide whether to go to Trader Joe's or to Whole Foods?  Here's a handy chart to help you decide.

The Magician's Son

What happens when a magician's son is a better magician than his father.

Air Travel Tip With A Toddler

Taking your toddler on her first airplane trip?  Before you board, do this for awhile.

Three Supreme Court Briefs In Five Days

February was a busy month for me.  It resulted with EFF filing three Supreme Court merits briefs over a five day period.  The time crunch resulted when the Court agreed to hear Alice Corp. v. CLS Bank Int'l. on December 6, 2013 -- and then on January 10, 2014, the Court agreed to hear both Limelight Networks, Inc. v. Akamai Technologies, Inc. and Natuilus, Inc. v. Biosig Instruments, Inc.  All three cases are patent cases seeking review of decisions by the Federal Circuit Court of Appeals.

Because our brief in Alice Corp. supported the respondent (the winning party in the appeals court), it wound up being due on February 27, 2014.  In the other two cases, our briefs supporting the petitioners (the parties that lost) were due on March 3.

Alice Corp. discusses when abstract ideas can be patentable, under 35 U.S.C. § 101.  As applied in this case, the statute affects the patentability of business methods and computer software, an issue on which the courts have been divided.  Previously, the Federal Circuit heard the case before a panel of 10 judges to try to resolve the issue; EFF and I had filed an amicus brief in that proceeding.  However, the court was unable to decide anything precedential, splitting 5-5.

The Supreme Court agreed to hear the case to try to set a definitive precedent.  Our amicus brief in the case argues that the software industry was doing just fine without patent protection before the Federal Circuit concocted the notion of broad software patents in 1994.  As the brief put it:

"Software patents do not promote innovation in the computer software industry—in fact, the recent flood of such patents impedes innovation."

EFF's press release about our brief in Alice Corp. is here.

Limelight is another appeal from an en banc Federal Circuit case.  The case originally dealt with the issue of whether anyone is liable for patent infringement if no one person performs all the steps of the patent, that is, if separate entities perform separate steps of the claim.  EFF's amicus brief argued against joint liability for patent infringement, because joint liability could ensnare innocent third parties such as users of someone else's technology.  This time an 11 judge court, splitting 6-5, did decide something, but not the question of joint liability.  Instead, the court held that a party (Limelight) could be liable for actively inducing infringement of a method claim as long as the party induced one or more other parties to perform all the steps.

The Supreme Court agreed to review Limelight.  EFF filed a similar amicus brief as it did in the lower court which argues, among other things, that better claim drafting could avoid the whole problem.

Finally, Nautilus involves 35 U.S.C. § 112(b), which requires that patent claims "particularly point out and distinctly claim the subject matter which the inventor … regards as the invention." Here, contrary to the statute, the Federal Circuit's current rule doesn't require that a claim be either particular or distinct.  The Federal Circuit merely requires that the claim not be "insolubly ambiguous," a very difficult standard to meet.  In other words, claims aren't indefinite so long as a meaning can be ascribed—“however difficult that task may be” and even if this meaning is “one over which reasonable persons will disagree.”

EFF and Public Knowledge filed an amicus brief asking the Supreme Court to review Nautilus. I didn't work on that brief, but when the Court agreed to review the case, I worked on our amicus brief on the merits.  Our merits brief argues that vague patents harm innovation and the patent system; gives examples of patent owners drafting intentionally vague claims; and points out (as in Limelight) that better claim drafting can solve the problem.