"Can a Cat Be Both a Solid and a Liquid?" And Other 2017 Ig Nobel Prize Winners

The 2017 Ig Nobel Prize winners have been announced. My favorite prize is in Physics, where a paper explores the age-old question: "Can a Cat Be Both a Solid and a Liquid?"

Obituary: Eastern District of Texas Patent Troll Haven, 2003-2017

The patent troll haven in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Texas (EDTX) died suddenly today.  The cause of death was a U.S. Supreme Court decision that destroyed the basis for filing patents suits anywhere in the country.  Trolls had flocked to EDTX after the local judges had made the venue extremely hospitable for patent plaintiffs.

Based in Marshall, Tyler, and Texarkana, EDTX began its life as a sleepy federal court serving its rural residents.  Marshall in particular was best known for its annual “Fire Ant Festival” and as the “Pottery Capitalof the World.”  Few if any of its farming and blue collar residents had ever invented anything, let alone heard of patents.

During the 1960’s, the EDTX court became popular for asbestos litigation.  By the late 1990’s, much of that litigation was resolved.  The large number of local plaintiff’s trial lawyers who worked on the asbestos litigation needed something new to do.  Fortunately, two events coincided to turn the court into the patent haven it became.  First, a 1990 decision by the Federal CircuitCourt of Appeals (overruled today by the Supreme Court) made it possible to sue corporate patent defendants anywhere in the country.  No longer could a defendant be sued only in its state of incorporation or principal place of business—a patent infringer could be sued anywhere its goods or services were sold.  In the modern Internet era, this was literally everywhere. 

Second, in 1999, local attorney T. John Ward was appointed to the EDTX bench.  Judge Ward soon realized that his fellow local attorneys could profit from the 1990 appeals decision.  He rewrote the local court rules to make EDTX very friendly to patent plaintiffs.  Cases would rarely be disposed of by summary judgment, but would instead come to trial quickly.  The rural Texas juries were made up of patriotic citizens who would defer to the government’s blessing of a patent grant.  Most defendants would settle rather than risk a trial, making the venue ideal for trolls trying to extort settlements for patents of dubious validity.  And if a case went to trial, patent plaintiffs won more often.

Judge Ward’s strategy was successful.  In 1999, only 14 patent cases were filed in EDTX.  By 2014, that number had grown to over 1,400 patent suits, making the EDTX the most popular district in the entire country for patent cases.  In 2015, 44% of all patent suits in the country were filed in the EDTX. This was despite the fact that few technology-based companies were located in the EDTX.  Local businesses boomed, especially those that served the trial industry, such as hotels and catering services. The court became so successful that it was featured in a 2015 John Oliver segment about patents.  One frequent patent defendant, Samsung Electronics, was even forced to curry favor with the local populace by building an ice rink in front of the Marshall courthouse—no small feat given east Texas weather.

By 2016, Judge Rodney Gilstrap (Judge Ward’s successor in the Marshall Division) had become “the busiest patent judge in the country.”  Judge Gilstrap presided over one quarter of the patent suits filed in the entire country.

EDTX was a particularly welcome haven to so-called “patent trolls.” The term was coined in the late 1990s to describe a patent owner who didn’t practice its patents, had no intention of practicing them, and whose sole business was to sue on patents to get licensing fees from companies with a real business. In many cases patent trolls hadn’t even filed the patents in question, but acquired them from third parties. EDTX became the forum of choice for trolls, but trolling got so out of hand that even the State of Texas urged the Supreme Court to do something.

All that changed with today’s Supreme Court decision.  Now, patent defendants can only be sued where they physically reside, such as their state of incorporation, or a place they do business and actually infringe the patent.  The EDTX has been eliminated as the forum of choice for patent plaintiffs, who now must file suit in a place with some connection to the alleged infringement.

EDTX is survived by numerous local trial lawyers, local businesses that had grown to service the trial industry, and patent trolls everywhere.  It’s unclear if memorial services will be held in Marshall, but celebrations will undoubtedly be held in Silicon Valley, California, and other technology centers.

The 2016 Ig Nobel Prizes

The 2016 Ig Nobel Prizes have been awarded.  Analysis here.

Another List Of Top Ten Stupid Patents

I've previously written about my top ten favorite stupid patents. 
Here's another top ten list.  There's some overlap, but they missed a few.

The Universe in 4 Minutes

There have been several videos explaining the size of things in the universe.
This is the funniest ever.

Best Gate Agent Ever?

The next time I fly, I hope I get THIS gate agent.

Best Joke Flyers

There are serious posters/flyers on utility poles.  And then there are less serious posters.  Best ones:

• "These are tearable puns"
• "Do you want this octopus to have fewer legs"
• "Found!  Lost dog flyers"
• "Cat found" (actually a skunk)
• "How were you born?"

"How To Wrap A Duck For Christmas"

It's a few weeks late, but here is an informative duck video.

"Why Are Lawyers So Good At Sex?"

This article asks the obvious question, "Why is it lawyers are so good at sex?"  Some of the answers:

Law is one of the oldest professions, and like other older professions, we get paid by the hour. Anybody who gets paid by the hour is never going to be in a hurry to finish. And lawyers, we can make something that could last only a few minutes go for hours and hours...

Talk can really make a difference. And talk is what lawyers do more than anything, right?

We’re used to asking for permission to withdraw. And it’s considered unethical to withdraw without adequate notice.

The 2015 Ig Nobel Prize Winners

The 2015 Ig Nobel Prize winners are out.  Some of the best ones:

• Physics Prize, for testing the biological principle that nearly all mammals empty their bladders in about 21 seconds.

• Literature Prize, for discovering that the word "huh?" (or its equivalent) seems to exist in every human language — and for not being quite sure why.

• Medicine Prize, for experiments to study the biomedical benefits or biomedical consequences of intense kissing (and other intimate, interpersonal activities).

• Biology Prize, for observing that when you attach a weighted stick to the rear end of a chicken, the chicken then walks in a manner similar to that in which dinosaurs are thought to have walked. 

"Stuff Business People Say"

Every Silicon Valley buzzword, in one convenient video.

"New Airplane Seating Chart Makes Summer Travel A Lot Less Comfortable"

Hope none of you are flying this summer.  Or if you are, you aren't on THIS airplane.

NBA Playoff Special: Wacky Basketball Patents

With the NBA playoffs in full swing, it's time for some wacky basketball patents.  I have seen the Giant Pop-A-Shot at arcades. 

My favorite, however, is "The Snuffleupagus."

John Oliver Takes On The Patent Trolls

The problems with the existing patent system are no longer just a matter for patent lawyers. Rather the mainstream media has taken notice: In yesterday's "Last Week Tonight," John Oliver discusses patent trolls.

Best Comment Feed Ever?

Groupon sells a banana holder called a "Banana Bunker."  The product resembles, um, a more adult-oriented product.  Groupon decided to respond to every comment posted on the product's web page, and the comment feed is hilarious.

13 Amazing Food and Life Hacks You Need to Know Right Now

Here are "13 Amazing Food and Life Hacks You Need to Know Right Now."
Some samples:
"1. Keep cake moist by just eating the entire thing in one sitting."
"4. Can’t fold a fitted sheet? Don’t worry, nobody can. Unless you are a wizard or something."
"5. To store asparagus for up to 2 weeks, first I would suggest you consider how much you actually like asparagus and why you bought so much asparagus 2 weeks before you planned on eating it."

Dave Barry's 2014 Holiday Gift Guide

Humorist Dave Barry has succumbed to the trend of advertising for Christmas before it's even Thanksgiving.  Happily, it's due to Dave's 2014 Holiday Gift Guide!  Best ones: "Selfie" Toaster; "Rocky" Action Figure: The Meat: and Acupuncture Pig Model.

Talking Dogs Explain The Supreme Court

The Supreme Court doesn't permit video broadcasts of its oral arguments -- only audio recordings.  The audio recordings are sometimes uninteresting.  To solve that problem, Last Week Tonight With John Oliver helpfully got a group of dogs to play the part of Supreme Court Justices, with the real audio in the background.

If you are inspired to create your own videos of this type, the show has helpfully provided stock footage.

If Girls Proposed to Guys

If Girls Proposed to Guys.
"Maybe if you didn't want such an expensive lunchbox."
"I've been looking forward to a lunchbox my entire life."
"Yeah, I understand.  But an $8,000 lunchbox?"

2014 Ig Nobel Prizes Are Out!

The 2014 Ig Nobel Prizes are out.  My favorite: the Neuroscience prize, "for trying to understand what happens in the brains of people who see the face of Jesus in a piece of toast."  Runner-up: the Physics prize, "for measuring the amount of friction between a shoe and a banana skin, and between a banana skin and the floor, when a person steps on a banana skin that's on the floor."